Fond Loving Parent

www.flparent.com

Help! My child lies.
by Noel Swanson
http://www.good-child-guide.com

Lying infuriates adults. The funny thing is, though, that it
is the adults that often set the child up. It goes like
this:

Mother has just heard that Greg was throwing stones at
someone:

"Hi Greg, what have you been doing today?" [Why would I tell
you if you don't know for sure?]

"What do you mean? Nothing." he says, with an innocent,
puzzled, expression.

"Did you throw rocks at the new girl?" [Maybe I can still
get away with it]

"No.", he answers, startled that you could think such a
thing of him.

"Mavis saw you."

"Well it wasn't me, it was some other kid." [Surely she will
believe her son before a neighbour!]

"She seems pretty sure it was you."

"She's wrong! It wasn't me!"

First Mum tempts him to lie to wriggle out of it, and she
corners him with the lie. It is showdown time. What will Mum
do? Is she confident that Mavis is totally reliable? Or is
there some shadow of doubt? Greg seems to be pretty
insistent, what if it was some other kid? If she lets him
off, she will have to apologise for doubting him. If she
convicts him, it will be double punishments, one for lying
and one for throwing stones.

Just about any child will lie to avoid getting into trouble
with an authority figure. As a parent, you need to be the
one to encourage honesty and truth. Part of doing this is to
let him know the benefits of truth-telling. Lay a strong
foundation of truth and honesty in your family. Don't ever
lie yourself. Start looking for honesty and truthfulness.
Keep talking about the importance of building a solid
reputation. Also, notice and reward your child when he is
honest. Continue to show that honesty is a Good Thing, and
will reap rewards.

Then, when you do suspect your children of some misdemeanor,
stay calm.

If you already know what they did, don't ask, "What did you
do?" That's just tempting them unfairly. Tell them what you
already know and what the consequences will be.

Here is a way to have them tell the truth more easily:

"Greg, Mavis has told me about something she saw this
afternoon. I would like to know what happened. But before
you tell me, I want you to go away and think about it for 15
minutes. And remember, we value honesty in this household."

This gives Greg the chance to settle down and think about
his problem. He can dig a deeper hole for himself, or he can
tell his mum the truth. If he decides to take the honest
route, be sure to praise him. If he sticks to the lie, then
punish him both for lying and for the deed.

However he responds, have a talk with him when things have
quieted down. Talk about why he may have done it. Was he
mad, jealous, or feeling insecure? Tell him that such
feelings are normal, but they don't excuse acting badly.
This will take time, as he won't talk until he knows he can
trust you not to be angry with him.

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