Fond Loving Parent

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Help! My Child Won't go to School
by Dr. Noel Swanson
http://www.good-child-guide.com

"My nine-year old daughter has started to dread going to
school. She always has a head or tummy ache, and ends up
missing two or three days a week. When I tell her she has to
go, she acts as if she's truly afraid, and cries and
screams. We don't know what to do."

You need to be firm with her. Don't count on the problem
going away if you ignore it. She could end up not ever going
back.

At the same time, recognise that her anxiety and distress
are genuine. Getting angry at her will not work.

Try to work out if her fear is about going to school (school
phobia), leaving you or home (separation anxiety), or going
into crowded public places (agoraphobia).

Talk with her teachers. She might be having trouble on the
way to school such as bullying, embarrassment, or abused.
These things could also be happening once she gets to
school. Identify the problems so that you can work with her
on them.

Have her pediatrician examine her. Tell him what's going on
so that he can check for serious illness.

If he doesn't find anything, then believe what he says.
Don't ask for more tests and assume that your child is
healthy and should be in school. Be firm with her and at the
same time reassure her that you will both be fine when she
gets to school. If she still claims to be sick, you can
either:

Option one is to tell her she has to go to school. Of course
if she shows symptoms of real illness, you would keep her
home. Simply "not feeling good" isn't a good enough reason
not to go. Adults go to work with headaches and other fairly
minor ailments.

Option two is to believe what she says. If she claims to be
too sick to attend school, then she is too sick to be up at
home. Make sure she gets into bed. Turn off the lights,
close the curtains, don't let her watch TV and don't bring
her any snacks. Just maintain your daily routine. Make
staying home a complete bore. If she isn't asleep then she
could be doing her homework. She definitely shouldn't have
friends visit.

You can also establish some rewards for going to school.

You must be tough and firm, but also calm, about all of
this. Be clear that you expect her to be at school, but do
not get into a fight with her about it. The goal is for her
to want to get back as quickly as possible. Once there, and
she discovers that nothing does happen to her or to you
while at school, the symptoms of depression and anxiety
should rapidly resolve.

If none of this works, or if you are concerned about a
serious depression or anxiety disorder, seek professional
help through your family doctor.

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